I Should Have Cheated

First of all let me say You can't accuse
me of all the things you know that you are guilty of
And I see that it is easy for you to blame everything on me
If that's the case I should go have my fun
and do all the things you say I do
Boy I can't continue to take this from you.

[Chorus:] I might as well have cheated on you
As much as you accused me of cheating
I might as well have lied to you As much as you accused me of lying
I might as well have gone to the club
As much as you accused me of clubbin'
I might as well have threw away my love As much as you accused me.

[Verse 2:] You say I was out with somebody else
When my girl told me she saw you with some girl (Some girl)
But I didn't accuse you of something that I didn't see myself
Realize that I wouldn't never do anything to disrespect you
Trust me, you gotta stop accusing me.

[Chorus]

[Bridge] Don't you know I wish
I knew that you would treat me this way
If you don't promise me that you've
changed your ways I'm leaving today
And I ain't coming back And you made it like that
Was unfair to me All this jealousy I'm your everything
What will you do without me? Why you trippin'?

[Chorus] I should have lied I should have cheated
Maybe I should have went out to the club
Or maybe I ... should have done it
Should have given away all my love
Or maybe I ... I should have played you
Cause you don't appreciate me, no And I tried to stay down with you
But you're making it hard for me.

[Chorus] As much as you accused me of cheatin' I should have cheated
As much as you accused me of lying
As much as you accused me of clubbin' (I love you)
As much as you accused me of cheatin' I should have cheated.

What you know about some Keyshia Cole?

I could never cheat. It just ain't me.
I guess that's whas makes me different from U.
Still love that song tho.

Why does it always seem to be that the ones who DO cheat,
accuse their innocent bf/gf of cheating?
I guess guilt does the weirdest shit to some.
Wtf is wrong with ppl...if you don't wanna
be with somebody, say so, and that'll be that.

I know that honesty is the best policy, or at least that's what I've always been told, and heard. But dayum, man, honesty can fuckin hurt & kill. Don't get it twisted, I'm glad ppl are honest with me about everything, anything - especially the life altering important shit - even tha shit that they know will make me not look at them the same way. That's just it, it changes views, but then again, so does lying. Lying just changes views in a worse way.

Whas worse, doing bad things and being honest about them, or doing bad things, lying about them, getting caught, then coming clean???
My thought, you shouldn't do bad things at all. If you wouldn't want that deed done to you, fucking control yourself. Then again, there are ppl who just don't care...

I dunno if I'm making any kind of sense...I hope the fuck so!

Been gone a while, and I still got no clue if being back has made any difference.

A year older...a year wiser? I think in some aspects I am, in others, I'm still evolving.

LOVE AINT HERE ANYMORE!

Why can't some men get a fuckin clue and stop trying to be "SORRY"?!? You had ya chance dumb dumb...I don't wanna hear anymore excuses. Ya ass aint ish to me, and you should been knowing that.

I DON'T WANT SOMEONE WHO CAN'T HOLD HIMSELF AND HIS WOMAN.
I'M NOT SAYING I NEED SOMEONE TO BE STRAIGHT THUG OUT OF THE CPT OR STRAIGHT THUG OUT OF THE MOST GUTTER BOROUGHS OF NY...I'M ASKING FOR A REAL MUTHAFUCKA! DAYUM!

"IT TAKES A DUMB-BITCH...TO
CONVINCE A FOOLISH NI99A
IT TAKES A WISE WOMAN...TO
LEAVE HIM." L0

I feel I'm lost in a dream
Between what is and what seems
Having to face not to need you
How could you do this to me
How could you think we don't need you
I'm tired of running away from my fear of the day
That our life has no meaning
Without a word or a reason
Like a coward, you're leaving.

Don't worry, I'm always at least ok.

I just thought

There comes a point when your words become mute even before you speak them and they reach intended ears. When "I Love You" & "I'm Sorry" carry absoutely no meaning...so why abuse such delicate, yet powerful terms??? Are you that blind!?

I don't care anymore.

I'm not gonna say it was a mistake, cuz I did learn something...I just wish you learned somethin too. Ya fuckin dumb ass!!! I hope you regret your wrong doing. There ain't no otha chick like me! Deep down inside you know that. And maybe you'll find females who have a lil somethin that reminds you of me. Maybe you'll say you should've done me right... fuck that! Cuz it's already been done & dead. Lame, bitch ass, wack mother fucker!


I can't wait until I go back home-I'm so excited. =D I'll get to see J...YAY!


HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, KIMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *HUGS & KISSES*
If only I had known...I hope you had a great day then, and for always!!!

It still isn't done-but here's the poem I told you I was writing for you...

Title: For Kim (yeah, I know it isn't very creative...=X)

She brings tears to my eyes everytime she cries.
Like butterflies being destroyed and brought
down by acid seduced rain filled skies.
Telling me she caught him in another lie.
This girl, that time... he'll never change.
I wish he never entered her life,
and wonder if she feels the same.
The bad out weighs the good, that isn't how it should be.
I don't think she knows just how much of her
part in their relationship burdon I'd bear.
I'm willing to take her pain away,
even if it means that I'd have to die today.
She isn't stupid because she believes he means what he says.
She's just hopeful... holding on to an idea of someone, who isn't even real.
I pray that one day she realizes how amazing she truly is.
She deserves better, and I tell her that all the time.

I know it isn't much, but it is from the heart.
Love you Kimmy!!!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

My mind is playing tricks on me...

I'm getting better at keeping track of my stuff online, yet I'm still managing to forget passwords & other easy ish like that. Things like that make me so frustrated. Anybody know how to hack? lol...I ain't even jokin.

I haven't finished writing the *thing* I talked about in my past post. I showed it to a friend. He didn't say much except for, "at least yours has a point", lol @ that. I sure hope it does to others, cuz so far to me-I dunno. I'm gonna post it, tho. It's only a few lines, but fuck it.

Of course it's untitled...here goes:

Fear is the hindrance of my thoughts and feelings.
Emotions gather, collide, and overflow, causing self-destruction everywhere they go.
Tears are whipped away, or left to evaporate.
The memory of their presence will be with me as long as I care.
Imprinted in my mind forever will be the hurtful things you did, said, didn't do, and didn't say.

^^^ that's it...told ya it's short.

I wanna finish it so bad, but the places I usually get inspiration from are too painful at the present time to revisit.

Pain lately-headaches and around my stomach area...my thighs are sore too! lol blahhh

Why do guys do the stupidest things, realize, then apologize. Think before you act & speak, dumb dumb. You have a brain bitch, use it!!! I promise it won't hurt.

I miss gooood HipHop. I want the new Fugees record NOW!!! I want desperately to know if Lauryn Hill is gonna do another album. Dead Prez...come the fuck outta hiding gah damn it!!!

I'm loving Kanye West's new song. "Now, I ain't sayin she a gold digga, but she ain't messin with no broke nig9a." - the truth!

"If you want peace, be prepared for war."

I'm not afraid to fight. I been fighting pretty much all my life. Nay sayers...I won't allow them to phase me. I'm not gonna become a statistic...neither will my sister's, I just can't have that.

"Life is a battle... you either enter it armed, or surrender immediately."

=-=======-=======-=======-=======-=======-=

I long for you. Can something I've been searching for since forever be this unattainable. I'm sure if you gave me the chance I could help you stop running. I don't need to hear your voice now, or even feel your touch... I'd just like a glimpse. To know that you're true, and that all these years, dreams, wishes, hopes, and tears haven't been for nothing. Open your eyes. Can I stop chasing now... ?

~1~

*Emotional Rollercoaster*

^^^ I love that song...it's off Vivian Green's first cd. She has a newer song out called "Gotta Go, Gotta Leave (Tired)" - off of her newest cd, another good joint. Her voice is niceness. The video for that song is also pretty dope.

I'm still listening to Keyshia Cole's cd - "The Way It Is". I love pretty much the entire thing. She's just amazing. I suggest you get it...an RnB fan or not. I love how she can come with this, naw mothafucker you get out cuz I ain't having that & I don't need you attitude. It's a real change. Most female artist out sing about how he broke my heart, how sad I am, and how I want him back. Keyshia is just raw. She brings a different perspective...independent and headstrong.

WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD MALE RnB SINGERS??? THEY KIDNAPPED OR WHAT?!? How many of you been asking yaself the same shit lol...I really wonder.

I'm always in awe of artist's who write their own material. It just affirms the passion they have when singing. Being able to relate to us listeners is still kind of rare.

I wish I could write forever; pencil and paper - my compaions. I wish those things were all I needed to be truly happy...love can be such an illusion.

I'm reading more. I've always been a reader, but sometimes I have no time to myself to even think about picking up a book and diving in. I wouldn't have the time now if I wasn't taking it for myself. There's something a famous writer said, this isn't a direct quote because I forgot what he said word for word, but he said something to like, "If you want to be a great writer, you have to be an avid reader". I think that's so true.

The following are quotes from movies I've seen:

"You are the only one who makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time."

"The woman I had was real, and I treated her like a dream."

"Nothing is more mysterious than the soul at war with itself, and no peace is more miraculous than the heart that finds its love."

^^^ Thought provoking stuff...think MEN, think!!!

I wanna write so bad...not that I can't, but I wanna be able to finish something before it gets too intense, or my mind goes blank. I started something a few hours ago, lets see how long it takes me lol.

Things aren't what they seem...

All ex-boyfriend's should burn in hell!!! And I wanna be the one to burn them.

I don't know why a "man" gotta act like he aint with nobody when we're right there. Ni99as who front make me sick. Trust is a funny thing...isn't it??? It takes ages to know... or at least hope & think that you can count on someone. And like that, truth is gone. I don't wanna be vulnerable...I know it isn't easy, but having someone who is foreal would be nice.

I'm done with men for a while. I dunno how long exactly...until I wanna go back I guess.

I read something a few hours ago written by someone I kind of know. "Daluris"...he's a good writter, and his poem touched me. It's something I relate to.

I'm not even worried about that guy bullshit tho.

There's more important things and way more important people to be concerned about. Someone I love and care about is ill.

We're both having heart problems. Mine's emotional and his is physical.

REAL men are more than hard to find...

I'm tired of bitches who want a "bad boy". They're overrated. You can have them, just don't cry when you get cheated on and ish. Ya dumb ass...some never learn.

PEEK A BOO!~

Its been a while...I haven't been writing much, as you can probably tell. I miss my Nina. I've known her for years now, and it's crazy. We've got so much weird ish in common lol...other people probably look at us and think, "WTF?! I wonder what they're on." But seriously who gives a fuck what people think, especially the ones who don't know us from stranger 1 & 2.

We aren't really on anything except life, and maybe alcohol (lol) YUM! =D

I haven't spoken to Kim in a minute; I miss her. I miss everyone who is foreal and means something to me, like Melly.